Burdens of Ignorance
by Ultimate Homos
Summary: Hikaru knows he loves Kaoru, and Kaoru knows he loves Hikaru. But what they don't know is that the feeling is returned. (Based off of Poem For A Sin/Why So Wrong) [HikaKao]
1. Spacing Out

** A/N: Hello, and welcome to Ultimate Homos! As you can see, this story is called _Burdens of Ignorance._ This is going to be my main focus for... I don't know, until I finish it, maybe? And I'm planning quite a number of chapters for you guys!**

** Remember this: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Another thing is that I am – once again – saying a big thanks to QueenofCorsica222 for my motivation! 3**

** Anyways, let's get reading! Shall we? *Takes your hand into the world of HikaKao and poetry***

**Hikaru's POV**

_I'm trusting myself_

_To remain_

_Intact_

_But my thoughts_

_Say otherwise..._

It's not being narcissistic when I can spot so many differences, like how he's so graceful, kind, and altogether more beautiful than I am. Then he has his side that nearly nobody knows about, where he can get a little like me. Just a little, for he has a reputation of "uke" to maintain.

_I wish he was my uke for real..._

I shuddered at my disturbing thoughts. Though I have accepted my feelings for Kaoru, I still can't believe that I feel this. I mean, it's forbidden for crying out loud. Who knows the dangers? The risks? But then again, the pleasure?

Ah, screw my thoughts. Love is pretty hard to control. I mean, it was pretty unbelievable that I fell in love with Haruhi before. Look at what I could have been missing out on if I started dating her!

I'm assuming too much. _Look at what I could have been missing out on? _Who am I to think he feels the same way? Though... I hope he does.

I'm pulled away from my thoughts when I hear _that voice._

"Hikaru? Earth to Hikaru...!" Kaoru called.

"Oh! Sorry, Kaoru... what is it?" I asked.

"It's time to head to the club, Hikaru," Kaoru answered.

"Oh," I said. _It's time for the Host Club? Already?_

The Host Club actually used to be quite an enjoyable place for me. Because of the club, Kaoru and I started opening up to other people, while still being together. No abandonment - I would never think of it! Also, I got to get close to Haruhi, and though I don't like her that way anymore, she's still an amazing friend. But now, the Host Club kinda is a pain. Mainly because... well, I think it's obvious. The "Brotherly Love _Act". _It's only an act, though I wish it was way more. But, who knows if Kaoru feels the same...

The pain I get from that thought is like 20 machetes stabbing my chest simultaneously. Every. Single. Time. And I think about that a lot. I'm surprised I haven't been metaphorically killed.

I didn't say a word as Kaoru, Haruhi and I walked up to Music Room 3. That raised a bit of suspicion between the other 1st years, I could tell.

"Hikaru, why aren't you saying anything?" Kaoru asked. I could hear that he indeed sounded concerned. That made me feel good, though I know he has always cared.

"I'm just thinking about things..." I said. _Wow, what a dumb reply..._

"What kinds of things?" _OH MY GOD, KAORU IS SO CUTE WHEN HE YEARNS FOR THINGS! Just imagine his face when he yearns for me to-_

_Whoa. What am I thinking?_

"Hikaru? Are you gonna answer me?" Kaoru's voice brought me out of my thoughts again.

I trembled a little. "Heh, sorry..." I said. "I was just thinking about... … …"

Kaoru spoke again before I could finish. "It's okay if you don't wanna tell me about your erotic thoughts of Haruhi, Hikaru," he said.

Now that. _That _makes me angry. He thinks I still Haruhi in that way! "I don't like Haruhi that way!" I said, face red with anger.

Haruhi must have thought the red tint to my face was embarrassment. "I'm just gonna go ahead..." she mumbled, walking away from us.

I quickly glared at Kaoru, and we kept on walking.

Though it may be clear, I must say I now get distracted easily, starting from when I accepted my feelings...

_You make it_

_So hard_

_For me to_

_Keep up_

_Kaoru..._


	2. Thinking of You

** A/N: Hello there! I'm back, for you, my babes! Y'alls are my babes. 3**

** The same disclaimer as before, Ouran High School Host Club isn't mine, but what I would do for ownership!**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** And... I have nothing else to say! Enjoy, my babes! 3**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

_I hope it's not_

_Obvious_

_But you occupy_

_My thoughts_

_All day..._

I'm more down-to-earth than Hikaru is. You don't need to know us that well to realize that. All you need to do to know it is to see us walking down the hallway. He's always more... I daresay lost than I am. When asked, he always says he's thinking about something. When I tell him he doesn't need to say he thinks erotically about Haruhi, it breaks me when his face gets red and he yells at me, saying; _"I don't like Haruhi that way!"_

Though I love him dearly, I want him to be happy. And he's always happy with our toy... oh, just putting this out there, calling Haruhi our toy was all Hikaru's idea.

Anyways, like I said, I'm more down-to-earth than Hikaru is. But, that doesn't stop my mind from wandering off into fantasies about him... PG-13.

We have reached Music Room 3, the other hosts being there too. Hikaru is sitting on the couch next to me, and I can tell by the dumb _yet sexy _look on his face, that he's thinking again. _Well, this kinda gives me time to think, too..._

_(Kaoru's thoughts)_

_ I'm walking through the garden at our mansion. Everything's peaceful, colorful bushels of flora lining where I walk. The warm atmosphere hitting all that's around, until I feel something warmer touch my left hand._

_ It's another hand!_

_ I look up to see who was softly holding my hand, and I see Hikaru walking with me, actually smiling... not a smirk, not a grin, but a genuine smile. I blush, feeling the redness spread across my cheek._

_ "You looked lonely," Hikaru says. I look down, blushing a little bit more._

_ We continued walking, no words being said. I didn't dare to talk, he just has that kind of effect on me. Though he is my brother, I didn't dare risk saying anything stupid._

_ Hikaru and I settled in a gazebo, sitting really close to each other. He draped his arm around me, and I pulled myself closer to him. I lightly put my hand on his clothed chest, resting my head on his shoulder._

_ "Kaoru..." Hikaru says._

_ I stuttered. "Y-yes, Hikaru?"_

_ "There's something I've wanted to tell you..."_

_ I looked at him expectantly, as he started leaning his face towards mine..._

_(Reality)_

"Kaoru!" Haruhi called.

I snapped out of my thoughts. "Yes, Haruhi?"

"You weren't focusing, so I thought I would bring you back to reality," Haruhi said. "Anyways, I can't get Hikaru out of his trance, so I figured you could."

"Oh, okay," I said. I turned towards Hikaru, and started poking his shoulder. "Hikaru... Hi-ka-ru..."

Hikaru jumped a little. "Yeah? What?" He said, quickly. It's almost as if he sounded nervous...

"What were you guys thinking about?" Haruhi asked.

_Should I tell her sometime? Not in front of Hikaru, of course, but still?_

"I'll tell you... but, it's a little personal..." I said, finally making my decision. "In the hallway?"

Haruhi nodded her head, and we got up to leave for the hallway. Hikaru tried getting up to go with us, but I told him to sit down... I left him complaining on the couch.

I led Haruhi down the hallway. I didn't want to risk a thing, so I wanted to get as far away from Music Room 3 as possible. When we reached our destination, I looked around to see if anybody was nearby. I saw some fangirls of the Brotherly Love Act, so I didn't mind if they were there.

"Alright... this may be a bit dramatic and sort of an overreaction..." I began," ...but I was thinking about Hikaru."

Haruhi blinked. "Don't you always?"

_Of course she doesn't get it!_

"Well, yes, but this kind of thinking is... romantic..." I said, whispering the last word.

Haruhi blinked again. "That's what I meant. I mean, it's pretty obvious to people as observant as I am. I wouldn't be surprised if Kyouya-senpai is aware of it as well."

I laughed a little bit. "He probably is. I don't zone out as much as Hikaru, but... well, you guys are smart!" I said.

Haruhi smiled. "Let's go back, now," she said.

We started to walk back to Music Room 3. When we reached the door, before I put my hand on the door handle, I stopped to look at Haruhi.

"Haruhi... thank you," I barely whispered.

"You're welcome, Kaoru," Haruhi replied. "Good luck."

We both smiled as we walked back into Music Room 3.

_It has become_

_Clear to_

_Some_

_But not you_

_Hikaru..._


	3. He WHAT?

** A/N: I think I should mention that the characters – mostly Hikaru – will all have some OOC moments.**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** The usual disclaimer! Ouran High School Host Club is not mine!**

**Hikaru's P.O.V.**

_When you aren't_

_With me_

_I worry_

_No matter what_

_The situation..._

I see Kaoru and Haruhi walk back in, with small, loving smiles plastered on their faces. That makes me wonder what exactly did they talk about out there...

_Did he ask her out!?_

Oh dear God, I hope he didn't! That would surely break my heart...

I stood up and ran to them, mainly seeking Kaoru. "Hey, guys! What did you talk about out there?"

Kaoru slightly blushed, while Haruhi answered. "Oh, he just told me about someone he likes!" she said. I looked back at Kaoru, and his eyes widened whilst his blush deepened.

_Who does he like!? WHO DOES HE LIKE!? _I really wanted to ask that, but I don't know...

"Who is it?" I asked them anyways.

"Nobody! Nobody! Absolutely nobody...!" Kaoru replied almost immediately. He had some sweat running down the side of his forehead.

_Well, if Kaoru is able to open up to Haruhi and say who he likes, I guess I will..._

"Hey, speaking of liking someone..." I began, "Haruhi, can I talk to you in the hallway?"

Haruhi had a look on her face that said _Oh God. _"Fine..." she said, walking back out into the hallway.

I followed after her, until we reached a little further down the hall.

"Look, if you're trying to ask me out, my answer's no," Haruhi said.

"Hah!" I laughed in her face. "You think I still like you that way!? Hahaha! HECK no! I was gonna tell you I have a crush on Kaoru! Haha-" I cut myself off realizing what I just blurted out loud.

Haruhi's jaw dropped. "He... he likes you, too..." she mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, Hikaru. Let's just go back..." Haruhi suggested.

"No no no no no! You said something! Lemme hear!"

Haruhi smacked my left arm*. "Let's just go back," she repeated, sternly.

As we were walking back, I said in more of a serious tone; "It sounded like you said he likes me too..."

Haruhi smiled at up me. "That's something you need to find out on your own, Hikaru," she said.

_The truth_

_Is what I_

_Seek to know_

_How you feel_

_Kaoru..._

***= That's an inside joke between me and my friends Jarrod, Blake, and Sammy. I have a thing for hitting people in the left arm...**

**A/N: I was hoping to get this up the same day I got chapter 2 up, but I didn't have internet! *sad faces***

**Also, sorry for the short chapter! Hopefully chapter 4 will be longer! ^3^ b**


	4. Staring

**A/N: I just dyed my hair an emerald color! It looks beautiful!**

** Also, this story seems so... rushed. I don't really like that! I love writing, and I have good reviews on this, but I feel as if it just isn't so good as you claim. But, I'm always like that... I guess you can call it modest? Whatever. *le shrug***

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Same disclaimer, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club!**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

_I know that_

_You love_

_Her_

_But I still_

_Love you..._

Hikaru and Haruhi were in the hallway and back quicker than I was. It was enough time for a "Do you wanna go out with me?" to be asked and a "Yes!" or "No!" to be said. But, now that Haruhi knows how I feel, she would never do that! She's too nice.

I hope.

I mean, people always say that she spends more time with Hikaru than with me. That's only because of their date, really...

Ugh. Their date.

Yes, I set it up so Hikaru would learn how to "feel" towards other people other than us. And, well, I think he just so happened to fall in love with Haruhi. Wait, scratch that:

I _know _he just so happened to fall in love with Haruhi.

Bringing myself back to reality, I asked; "What happened out there?"

"Hey, you didn't want to answer when I asked you, so I'm not answering right now," Hikaru replied.

Haruhi shook her head. "Hikaru just told me who he likes, also..." she sighed.

I looked at Hikaru. "It's Haruhi, isn't it?" I asked him

Hikaru opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted as Tamaki told us to get into our cosplay. The look on Hikaru's face said that he had no idea there was a cosplay idea for today. Well, I didn't know either, so I can't blame him... Anyways, we're cosplaying _My Little Pony. _Pretty childish*...

Hikaru and I are in the changing room with each other. _Oh, because that's not awkward at all! _Well, we would always change in front of each other, but now I know that Hikaru likes someone, and Hikaru knows that I like someone... that's just awkward. So, I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. I already threw off my blazer and untied my tie.

I felt as if Hikaru was watching me when I was unbuttoning my white shirt, so I looked up from my buttons... and _he was! _I made eye contact with him, and he blushed and looked away.

"H-Hikaru..." I began, "what was that about?"

"Ah, nothing... nothing at all, Kaoru..." Hikaru said. "Let's just hurry up and change..."

I shrugged, causing my white button-up to fall off my shoulders and land in a lump on the floor. I turned around so my back was facing Hikaru, and kicked off my shoes and socks to make way for my slacks to come off. I turned my head to see if Hikaru was looking at me, and he was _again!_

Once again, eye contact was made, him blushing and looking away. Only this time, I blushed too. I mean... he was in only his boxers, as well.

I quickly threw on the ragged, brown pants from my cosplay. I heard extra rustling, implying that Hikaru had put on his shorts from his cosplay. Being cautious, I threw on the orange t-shirt and quickly buttoned up the brown vest. I quickly glanced towards Hikaru, and he was still shirtless... and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He's just so fit...

_Oh, crap! Eye contact!_

"Okay, why do you keep on looking at me and blushing!?" Hikaru asked.

"I should be wondering the same thing!" I replied, putting on cowboy boots and a hat. "Now, hurry up."

Hikaru put on his blue tank top, black sneakers, and black fingerless-gloves really quickly. _He probably wants to stop the staring as soon as possible..._

He walked up to me. "Hm," he began, "you look adorable in that hat..."

_I can't help but_

_Admire you_

_Whenever_

_I get the chance_

_Hikaru..._

** *= Yeah, MLP is a show for kids, but I don't hate it, so don't take what I wrote down the wrong way! I'm a brony!**

** Another pretty short chapter... and I still don't have internet when typing this up! Maybe I can steal internet from the neighbors... hm, I don't know... *another shrug***

** Also, I was thinking this before I went to sleep last night: Should I put something in here to "change the rating", if you're catching my drift here? I don't have to! But, if I get enough reviews that say "yes", then there's a chance I'll throw in some smut. But if only a few reviews say "yes", then... I don't know, I'll write a separate story. Heck, it may not even have to do with this fic! But, please, review and say "yes" or "no" (And if you need to say anything else!) and I'll know what you mean.**


	5. Can't Contain Myself

**A/N: ****Okay... I've been leeching internet from my neighbors, I admit it! It's just... they don't have a wi-fi password! Love is an open door! Also, random fact: My brother is walking around the house in a tuxedo.**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Same disclaimer, Ouran High School Host Club isn't mine! If it was, you know what I would do? Well, look at my favorite stories on this site. Most of them are Rated M... you know where this is going! *evil smirk***

**Hikaru's P.O.V.**

_I let things slip_

_But that's because_

_Your beauty_

_Turns my mind_

_Into mush..._

_ Did I really just say that out loud!?_

"Um... thanks, Hikaru..." Kaoru said, blushing.

_Oh God. I did. WHY!? Oh, but he's blushing!_

_ PROBABLY FROM HOW AWKWARD THAT WAS!_

"You look really cool with that outfit on, Hikaru..." Kaoru replied, shyly.

I blushed. "Heh, we should cosplay this more often, then..." I said, awkwardly.

Kaoru smiled a little bit. "Yeah, maybe we can suggest it more often!" he said. "But, let me just say this: The vest is really tight on me..."

_Oh, but I can take it off for you..._

I looked at the vest on him. "No, it isn't exactly your size... funny, I'm dressed as Rainbow Dash but am acting like Rarity at the moment..."

Kaoru giggled. _Still sooo cute! _"And I'm Applejack, complaining about my fashion!" he pointed out, making me laugh a little.

"Let's head out, we're taking a bit of time in here," I suggested. All Kaoru did was nod, and we left the changing rooms.

Tamaki ran up to us in his Rarity cosplay. "WHAT TOOK YOU TWO SO LONG!?" he shouted.

"Typical boss, typical Rarity..." Kaoru and I mumbled in unison.

We looked around at the other hosts. Kyouya was Twilight, Honey was Pinkie Pie, Mori was Fluttershy, and Haruhi was Spike... oddly enough, these all made sense. I was right, we SHOULD suggest this cosplay in the future... also, Haruhi looked funny with shoulder pads!

"The ladies are going to show up any minute now. We might as well get into position," Kyouya commanded more than suggested.

When we were in position, I had an idea for the Brotherly Love Act. "Hey, we can use your vest to our advantage..." I whispered to Kaoru.

"Ohhh, I'm catching your drift, here..." Kaoru whispered back.

_And if you loved me the way I love you, we can use the vest for our PRIVATE advantage... but, no, because I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, GOD DAMMIT!_

The doors opened, and the cued rose petals started to fly out. The ladies looked at us, some in awe, and some in disappointment.

"Welcome, ladies. Join the herd," we all cooed in unison, before going to our designated areas.

"Ohhh! AppleDash! I looove that pairing sooo much!" one of our clients – Thurston, an American student – swayed. I find it funny when she fangirls, because she has a really deep voice. Like, a voice similar to Kyouya's. Get back on topic, shall we?

"We know it's a popular shipping amongst bronies and pegasisters, but sometimes..." I began. I brought Kaoru towards me, holding his chin up with my index and middle fingers so he was looking at me. "...Sometimes, Kaoru can be such a Fluttershy..."

Kaoru blushed on cue. "H-Hikaru..."

"But it's true, Kaoru. You're always so cute..."

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA!" the fangirls screamed. I laughed on the inside, because I heard the deep fangirl scream from Thurston. Huehuehue...

While the fangirls were in the midst of swaying over us, I let go of Kaoru and we returned to where we were originally sitting. _Oh, but how I love holding him..._

Once the girls recovered, Kaoru offered to bring them some tea.

"Yes, please!" the girls replied. Kaoru got up and walked off to grab the tea.

The girls turned their attention to me. "Hey, Hikaru-kun," Thurston said.

"... I'm Kaoru," I lied.

"No, you're Hikaru-kun," Thurston pointed out. "I've been here enough to know that Kaoru-kun is typically the one to offer tea."

I nodded. "You're not wrong."

Thurston nodded her head as well. "Anyways, the point is, I've noticed you have been bringing Kaoru a little... closer, recently. And, he's been quite... accepting of it," she said.

I froze. _How am I supposed to reply to that?_

"Well? Ya gonna speak up or what?" Thurston urged. Typical Americans.

"Well, maybe it's just how we are!" I replied.

"How we are?" I turned my head and I saw Kaoru standing there, tea tray in his hands. He placed down the tray, and sat down next to me. "What were you guys talking about?"

Thurston spoke up. Is she like the leader of the girls? "Oh, we just noticed how you two have been a lot closer than usual in your act!"

Kaoru had a confused look on his face.

"What I mean is that Hikaru has been pulling you closer, and that you have been quite accepting of it!" Thurston called.

Kaoru shook his head. "Hikaru was right, maybe it's just how we are."

The girls – mainly Thurston – stopped arguing, and we resumed to normal business. Kaoru poured the girls some tea, and served it to them. As we planned earlier, he started to "complain" over the tightness of his vest.

"Here, Kaoru, let me help you..." I said, starting to unbutton Kaoru's vest. As a reply, he blushed on cue.

_Too... much... cuteness! Too... hard... to... contain..._

_ WHOA!_

...

I kissed Kaoru.

_I can't stop_

_Myself from_

_Loving you_

_So deeply_

_Kaoru..._

** A/N: Ooh! Dat ending, am I right!? I don't know, I felt rushed. Well, I'm on a school bus after all. Anyways, it's CRAZY because I started writing this right after I finished writing chapter 4, and here I am, over a week later, finishing the chapter!**

** Oh, yeah, I'm still looking for answers to my smut suggestion! It will come later in the story, of course. Let's see... if 5 reviews say yes, and they have to be from different people, then it's a deal! So far, the results are:**

**Yes: 2**

**No: Zippidy-ziddles-ZERO!**

** Ciao!**


	6. I Love You

** A/N: Hopefully I post this sooner than Chapter 5. Man, that was LATE! Gomen!**

** Anyways, last chapter was pretty eventful... and if you're wondering – which you probably aren't – Thurston is me! Yes, self-inserted character. Well, more like self-inserted legitimate-person...?**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Here's to Chapter 6! I'll see you again at the bottom of le chappy!**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

_I used to think_

_That you didn't_

_Love me_

_Like that_

_But here we are..._

To say I was shocked was an understatement. _He kissed me... he KISSED me! In front of everybody, too!_

When we parted, I wanted to see Haruhi's reaction, but I couldn't keep my eyes off Hikaru. God, what a way to kiss the one I love! It's awkward, but... not!

_I love him, he loves me!_

Inside, I'm doing 100 jumping jacks a second. Outside, I'm staring stupidly at the boy who claimed my first kiss. God, I'm _so_ smooth.

Hikaru soon started to look scared. "I-I'm sorry, Kaoru!" he stood up, and before I could stop him, he ran off.

I didn't even stand up at first. I relaxed a little, and lightly touched my fingertips to my lips. I looked around, and EVERYBODY was staring my way.

"I should probably go get him..." I mumbled. I ran out of Music Room 3, in search for Hikaru. I was calling his name, I was yelling "It's okay!", "Come out!", and I even screamed; "I love you!"

I found an empty classroom, and saw the Hikaru's familiar figure standing in there. I opened the door, walking into the room. "Hikaru?"

He jumped a little out of shock. He turned his head slightly, and I saw tears running down his cheeks. I walked up to him and hugged him from behind.

"It's okay, Hikaru..." I cooed.

"No, it's not, Kaoru!" Hikaru snapped. "Do you not get it!? I lo-"

I cut Hikaru off with a kiss. "I said, it's okay..." I whispered when we broke apart. I took a step back to see his face. Now here he was, staring at _me _stupidly. It makes me feel good to know I have that effect on someone, to be honest.

"Th-that just happened?" Hikaru asked, dumbfounded.

I giggled. "Yes," I replied, "and don't be so surprised."

"W-what do you m-mean?"

I paused. _This is happening. I'm gonna tell him. _"I love you, Hikaru..." I said.

Hikaru's face flushed red. With that blush, he could easily be uke... but too bad, that's my role. "I-I love you too, Kaoru..." he whispered.

I blushed, smiling.

"But we can't do this!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"What!?"

_We love each other_

_But you say we_

_Can't_

_Be together_

_Hikaru..._

**A/N: Oh my glob, short chapter. Like, the shortest one. It's crazy. Like, I think the A/N's put together would be longer than the chapter itself.**

** I'm mentally punching myself for ending such a short – yet eventful – chapter in such a way. IT HUUURTS! WHY DID I MAKE HIM SAY THAT!? (It's early in the morning, I'm sick, and I'm on a school bus... I want to go home... that's probably why. I'm in misery, so I'll put misery in everything I love. So, my apologies.)**

** Bad news: I'm getting a little disappointed with this story. I might have it on hiatus every once in a while. I'm surprised you lovely people who take time out of your day to read – more like stomach – this are saying that it's a good story and that you can't wait for the next chapter. Because I can gladly wait until I figure out what the frig I'm actually doing. I'm practically improvising; coming up with a situation on the spot, and writing it down.**

** Remember to vote YES or NO on my smut suggestion! (If I make it that far.)**


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